Michigan Vacation, Part 2: So You’re Going to Be My Interesting Patient

Given that I’m writing this a bit after the fact, I couldn’t tell you, nor would you likely care what went on every single day while at the cabin. That being said, I do remember getting a great night’s sleep after the long car ride and busy weekend (Part 1).

I’ll also start this out by saying if you are faint of heart, you may want to move on and catch the next post instead (Part 3).

The weather up in the UP was beautiful most of that first day, and for the first time in my life, I was finally up there with a nice boat (Thanks Dad!). Unfortunately, by the time we were ready to go out on the boat, a storm started brewing. I was able to make a quick run down the shore on the tube, but then the adults in the boat decided it was best to go back in. That’s ok, there will be plenty other days, or so I thought.

That brings me to the next day — the one that will stick out in my mind for a long, long time. With the new boat, Dad had to put a few sections of pier out near the bulrushes to make sure there was enough water to float the boat. And while it was almost all the way in the opening, there were some stragglers that were behind the boat that could potentially get caught in the motor.

So like we’ve done many times before, we took out the scythe — you know the kind that the grim reaper carries around — out to cut the bulrushes. Dad started, but then I piped in saying that I hadn’t done it in awhile, and I’d knock some down. I got the worst of them directly behind the boat and was about to head in when my dad pointed out a few that were farther out. Not thinking anything about it, I went out there to where I could barely reach, and then out a bit farther where I needed to swim a bit. All bulrushes removed, no issues.

Then I started to come back in so that I could put it away; however, as I was swimming I thought to myself, “You know, it’s probably a bad idea to have this big two foot knife behind me. I should move it to the other side to be safe.” Great thought, terrible execution.

The piece I didn’t think about was that as you are swimming, you are typically kicking your legs. And when you turn a scythe around, the long blade rotates towards the surface bringing the sharp edge closer to your foot. So close in fact that if you are kicking at the wrong time, you will connect with the blade. I say this and still cringe, now having first hand experience doing so.

Honestly, it didn’t hurt. I wasn’t even sure how bad it was, but I was guessing it was not good because I could feel something extra flapping around when I was swimming. Up to the dock I swam to survey the damage, and indeed, it was not good. There was a pretty deep cut nearly an inch long. I’ve never seen the fatty tissue under the skin until that point. (Trust me, it’s there.) Fortunately, I’m not easily queasy, but I did quickly recognize that I likely needed some additional attention.

For those of you that aren’t familiar with the UP, it’s beautiful, pristine, and isolated — all really great things most of the time, but not so good when you need medical attention. Given that I wasn’t in tremendous pain and had controlled the bleeding, I took a few minutes to figure out what to do next before rushing into anything.

I called the closest health care facility, and they said that didn’t do stiches, and I would need to go to their Emergency Room. Given that I’m on a high deductible plan,  I said, “No thanks!” and tried #2. The receptionist answered the phone, and I asked her the same thing — “Do you put in stitches?” In perfectly suited UP fashion, she said, “I’m not sure, let me see who’s here today.”

“Great.” I thought.

Fortunately the PA working there today was feeling brave (or at least that’s what I imagined), and said she would.

So Mom drives me to the clinic attached to the hospital, and despite the receptionist saying there would be a long wait, I’m taken back to an exam room right within five minutes. Vital check with a nurse, and shortly after, in comes the PA. And that’s when I hear it, “So you’re going to be my interesting patient today.” She examines the damage, re-wraps it, and says that she’ll be back in a bit.

15 minutes goes by. 30 minutes. 45 minutes. All I can think to myself is that she must be out there watching YouTube videos on how to put in stitches, but not long after that in she comes, in full surgical gear and ready to go.

8 stiches later and a goodie bag with the leftover surgical tools, and I was on my way, at least mostly put back together. If there was one positive that came out of the visit, they told me on the way out, that they take the stitches out for free. “We put them in, we take them out.” On a high deductible plan, that’s definitely a nice change for once.

I think of all the little things that could have prevented this from happening and it still ticks me off. However, in the grand scheme of things, I suppose things could have been worse. I could have cut off a toe, or sliced a tendon, or cut myself more seriously. I really stunk that it happened that early in out trip, but I guess at least I got an interesting story about it.

What’s the worst thing that’s happened to you on vacation? Let me know @TalkToErik