Three Week Reflection on My Time in Qingdao (Part 3 – Personal Reflections)

[This again is a continuation… I’ve already gone through some broad comments in Part 1, and some of the professional impact in Part 2.]

From a strictly personal point of view, I was a little surprised at how spending that month in Qingdao changed my perspective. But to be completely honest, I wasn’t expecting any personal changes or personal impact (as opposed to professional ones) to come out of going on this assignment. I’ve traveled extensively internationally for work fairly regularly over the last 13 years, so why would this trip be any different?

Looking back, the biggest differences –and also the obvious two reasons — were the people I was with and the length of time I was gone. I think just knowing that I was going to be spending four weeks with these eleven other people made me far more apt to want to get to know them in more detail.

Now don’t get me wrong; it’s not that I’m antisocial when I typically travel, but the reality is, for the most part, I’m in and out of most places in a week or less. It’s hard to establish a meaningful relationship with someone in that short of time, especially when you consider that it’s unlikely that I’ll continue to work with them closely when I get back home.

But as I said, Qingdao was different. Going into the engagement, I was a bit worried about being gone that long from my family for that long. I was worried about being lonely. A month is a long time. Realistically, I think it also made a big difference that the group had been in contact with one another for the previous three months going through all the pre work together. While the content of some of the pre work was sometimes suspect, there’s no doubt that it allowed us to get to know everyone’s personality. After after just talking on the phone for those three months, it also created some anticipation for us all to actually meet. Who really is “Jose from Dubai?”

I think the demographic makeup of the group also had something to do with it as well. Now granted, this is changing, but if you took a random sample of IBMers that I work with, you’d typically find a slightly older group. When I started, most of my coworkers were far closer to my parents age than my own (after all, I was set up on one date with a daughter, but I digress). However in Qingdao, the majority of the team was pretty close to my age, which meant we had quite a bit in common. Of course not everyone was in the same stage in their lives, but it did mean that it was easier to open up.

So what really was the most eye opening experience? Quite frankly, I didn’t realize that working with other people that closely (and in person) would be so much fun! Now a lot of this may have to do specifically with Maria and Matthias, but I genuinely enjoyed working with them. It made me see that if the people you worked closely with were all colocated, it might not only be worth it from a professional interaction perspective, but also from a personal one.

If the three of us all lived in Austin, and were working on the same project, I might actually want to go into the office every day. However, the reality is this was an artificial arrangement when compared to my real job. Virtually everyone I work with lives in a different state (or country), so going to the office only to talk to someone on the phone doesn’t make much sense. I still see some social benefit to going into the office from time to time, but I do think doing so makes me take a hit from a productivity perspective. I’m disciplined enough to stick to work when I work from home which means there are fewer distractions and I can actually get things done. Nonetheless, there’s no doubt I’ll always think back fondly of those few weeks working together.

On a related note, it’s pretty interesting to look back and think about how close of friends I became with Matthias and Maria in such a short time. I enjoyed hanging out with them for nearly 12 hours a day most days. Between breakfast, the morning commute, working, lunch, the drive home, and often dinner, we spent a ton of time together. And luckily, we managed to not drive each other nuts in the process. Don’t get me wrong, I was definitely glad to get home to Korey and the kids, but not seeing, spending time with, and working with those two is easily the part I miss most about Qingdao. The three of us have had a video chat once since we’ve been back, and have daily conversations in our WeChat group, but it’s just not the same. Since the twelve of us spent so much time together, we all became sort of a temporary family (with those two being my brother and sister) — yet this family may likely all never get together again.

The last thing I noticed from a personal perspective is that while I love my kids and Korey to death, being gone that long gave me a chance to remind myself that I like to have fun too (outside of being Daddy fun). Since the kids are so young, most of my non-working life revolves around them and their schedules. I genuinely feel a little bad / guilty that Korey hasn’t had this same opportunity (and even worse, she had to take care of them by herself while I was gone). But being away gave me the chance to remember what it was like pre-kids (If only Korey was there too!). I’ve traveled enough that I now try to get back as soon as I can and avoid staying extra days, but this was different because I had to be there over the weekends as well. I obviously still had my work responsibilities, but there’s no doubt I enjoyed being able to go out on the weekend, listen to the band, have a few drinks, and walk back to the hotel without needing to worry about anything else. I wouldn’t trade my real life for that any day, but given the situation I was in, I’d be lying if I said I didn’t enjoy it temporarily. And since I was going to be gone either way, I’m glad I wasn’t miserable.

I guess the wrap up of this rambling blog is that I’m truly thankful that I had the chance and support to go on what really was a once in a lifetime experience, both personally and professionally. I learned a lot, sharpened some skills, and had some fun along the way. The whole experience is certainly something that will stay with me forever. That all being said, as great as all of it was, there’s still no place like home.